Best Sucker Challenge

The Best Sucker Challenge is a race to empty a baby bottle, and it is the least dignified of the shots drinking games by a distance. Everyone gets the same bottle, the same drink, and the same nipple. The first to finish hands out three shots. The last to finish takes three. It takes two minutes to play and ten minutes to stop laughing, which is why it turns up at bachelor parties, baby showers, and anywhere someone owns a packet of bottles.

What you need

• One baby bottle per player, the same size and the same nipple flow for everyone. 4 oz bottles are the classic; 8 oz bottles make a longer race
• Enough of one drink to fill every bottle. Beer is standard, cider and mixed drinks work, spirits do not
• A shot glass and something to pour in it for the winner’s prize and the loser’s penalty
• A towel per player, because there will be drips
• 2 or more players. Races work best with four to six at a time

Setup

1. Check the nipples are all the same flow rate. The packet says newborn, slow, medium, or fast. Medium is the sweet spot. Newborn is a five-minute struggle and fast flow is over in fifteen seconds.
2. Fill every bottle to the same line. Pour beer early and let the foam settle; foam through a nipple is the worst thing that happens in this game. Screw the lids on tight.
3. Line the bottles up on the table, one in front of each player. Hands flat on the table, not on the bottle, until the count.
4. Pick a starter to count down and judge. The judge also rules on anyone caught squeezing.

How to play Best Sucker Challenge

1. The starter counts down from three. On “go”, everyone picks up their bottle and starts.
2. Drink through the nipple only. No unscrewing the lid, no biting the tip off, no squeezing the bottle. Breaking this rule means you are counted as last whatever happens.
3. The first player to empty their bottle is the Best Sucker. Prove it by turning the bottle upside down over the table. A dribble is empty; a splash is not.
4. The Best Sucker hands out three shots. All three to one person, or one each to three people. The shots are taken right away.
5. The last player to finish takes three shots. Nobody stops when the winner finishes. The race runs until every bottle is empty, and the last one turned upside down is the loser.
6. Rinse the bottles and go again. Or run a bracket. Four heats and a final is the format at a bigger party, and the finalists get fresh nipples so nobody can blame the equipment. Anyone who sat out a heat can pour for the next one.

Variations and house rules

• Baby shower version. Juice, milk, or soft drink instead of beer, no shots at the end, and the winner gets a prize. This is where the game comes from, and it is just as funny sober.
• Sealed nipple. One bottle gets a fresh unpierced nipple, or a piece of tape over the hole. That player gets nothing no matter how hard they try. It works once per group, so save it for the right person.
• Two-player duel. Loser takes a shot, best of three. A good way to settle an argument, since nobody can claim the bottles were rigged.
• Relay. Teams of three, one bottle each, in sequence. The next runner cannot start until the bottle before them is upside down and empty.
• Handicap round. The reigning champion gets a slow-flow nipple and everyone else keeps medium. Stops the same person winning every heat.
• Pacifier penalty. Our house rule: whoever takes the loser’s shots keeps a pacifier in their mouth until the next race starts.
• Timed round. Instead of a race to empty, everyone gets fifteen seconds. Hold the bottles up to the light and the lowest level wins. Less drinking per round, and it works with bigger bottles.

Tips

• Tilt the bottle almost vertical and keep a steady rhythm rather than sucking as hard as you can. The flow rate is fixed by the nipple; effort mostly makes noise.
• Use beer or something of similar strength. A 4 oz bottle of spirits is more than two shots in one go, followed by three more for the loser, and that combination is how this game sends someone home early.
• Let the foam settle before the count. A bottle that is half foam takes twice as long and gives the player next to you a twenty-second head start.
• Buy wide-neck bottles. They are easier to fill, easier to rinse, and the nipples come off for washing between rounds.